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Man’s legs breaks under weight of upper body after skipping leg day for years; trapped in ditch for days

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by Rod Inskalop

In a catastrophe that was inevitable, local weightlifter Manny Pedro’s skinny Minnie legs buckled and broke under the weight of his upper body.

Pedro had been skipping leg day for years in favor of “Bis, Tris, & Delts” and it finally caught up with him – in a bad way. What was supposed to be a simple hike up Profile Rock turned into tragedy. Exercising his legs for the first time in about 5 years, Pedro made it to the top of Profile Rock.

The mistake he made was in a victory leap which taxed his already over-stressed legs. “I always wanted a moment in life like in the old Toyota commercials. I seized the moment. I was ecstatic and leapt into the air belting out “TOOOOOOYOOOOOTAA!”

Upon landing one of the broomsticks that he calls legs snapped in twain. He immediately tumbled over the edge and bounced and all the way down into a ditch into a heavily wooded area.

Correspondent Joe Inskalop visited Pedro in the hospital for more details. In spite of the noise coming from a blender that Pedro was operating, some comments were salvageable. “All those Pec and Lat compound sets combined with protein shakes beefed up my upper body so much that my muscles served as cushions – well that and the 14 Muscle Mags I had on me. I avoided injury by flexing all the way down. My favorite pose ‘The Double Bicep’ definitely saved me from serious injury.”

When asked why a broken femur wasn’t considered a serious injury, Mr. Pedro stated “Legs are totally useless. Only Beta males have leg day. I would have had them amputated already if I didn’t need them to go from the Lat Pulldown Machine to the Pec Deck. Chics don’t dig legs. Ever heard of a girl squeezing a guy’s thighs? Exactly.”

Mr. Pedro spent 4 days and a sum total of 80 hours trapped in the ditch. Doctors said he wasn’t dehydrated, just suffering from a bit of exposure. When asked if he had water with him or snacks, Pedro replied “Bro, I used two nearby boulders for curls. I then sucked the sweat off of my Bis. 18″ by the way. I also had a case of protein bars to eat.”

When a nurse overheard the conversation mentioned that “Any ‘bi’ sweat you drank was just returning lost fluids to your body, so you weren’t actually replenishing fluids. That likely came from the 2 days of rain.” Pedro just stared at his bed-sheet with a puzzled look and let out a “Whoa.”

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