
Men Entering Monastery Numbers Down; Church Blames Yoga Pants
The number of men entering monasteries in America to devote their lives to the church is on a steep decline and experts blame the booming yoga pants industry. Experts state that there is a direct correlation between declining monastery memberships and the increased number of women wearing yoga pants in everyday life.
“Our chart clearly shows a trend,” Stated Jim DaSilva. “As the percentage of women wearing yoga pants to do everyday activities like grocery shopping and teaching high school increases, men entering the monastery for a life of celibacy decreases.”
“I was on the way to to commit myself to God and a life of celibate chastity,” stated Dartmouth resident Keith McDermitt who almost became a man of the cloth. “On the way to the monastery, I decided to stop by Mirasol’s Cafe for one last Chippi. I got in line and there were two girls in front of me wearing yoga pants. I tried to stay strong and turned away, but the girl behind me was wearing yoga pants as well. The line out the door was filled with women in yoga pants. I was surrounded. I took it as a sign from God. He did not want me to enter the monastery that day.”
Conspiracy theorists have chimed in. “Do you think it is a coincidence that 9 out of 10 women that wear yoga pants don’t even do yoga?” stated Jason Taylor, a leading New England conspiracy theorist. “My theory is that the steep decline of men entering the monastery is a plot by women to stop good looking men from entering a life of celibacy, which sucks for guys like me.”

Study shows the percentage of women wearing yoga pants compared to the percentage of men entering the monastery.
One Comment
November 25, 2013 @ 7:46 pm
This is your best spoof yet!!