Where something always smells fishy!

New Bedford To Bring Back Pillory and Paddling


In a move that has the city talking, the New Bedford City Council voted 10 – 1 to bring back the pillory and paddling. Persons found guilty will be sentenced to the pillory for specific hours based on their crime. In some cases and for repeat offenders, the guilty person will be paddled while citizens throw rotten fruit and scallops at them.

“This will significantly reduce crime in our city,” stated Jane Martins who voted for the measure. “We’ve tried jail time and even drones. None of them reduced crime and our activist judges seem to release every criminal back onto the streets within days. Some stinky fruit to the face and a good old fashioned paddling should do the trick.”

“Go ahead and try to wear you pajama pants before 7 p.m.,”stated David Coelho, who earlier in the months got his measure to ban pajama pants in daylight hours passed. “That’s an hour in the pillory. Baggy pants? That’s two hours and 10 whacks from the paddle.”

The sole opposing vote came from Ward 7 councilor Ian Lang. “I’m all for the pillory and paddling, but against wasting rotten fruit and scallops. With the homelessness and hunger in this city on the rise, we shouldn’t be wasting food.”

List of offense and punishments:

  • Voting for a Republican = 1 hour
  • Caught on the street asking someone for change for a $20 = 1 hour
  • Wearing pajama pants outside before 6pm = 2 hours
  • Caught wearing Yankees, Jets, Lakers or any other New York sport attire = 2 hours
  • Threatening to unlike New Bedford Guide’s Facebook page for posting Rotten Scallop articles = 1 hour and 1 whack
  • Wearing ‘Saggy Jeans” = 2 hours and 10 whacks (parents will share time in the pillory for allowing their kid to leave the house)
In some cases, the parents will also face equal time in the pillory.

In some cases, the parents will also face equal time in the pillory.


  • Gabby Greene
    November 1, 2013 @ 6:29 pm

    You left one MAJOR offense and punishment out…obviously an error:

    Anyone voting Democrat is 24 hours in the pillory, with 1 whack per person in the city!


  • Olive jadlowe
    November 2, 2013 @ 6:06 pm

    Best idea! Parents should have done it?


Leave A Comment

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.