Real Al Roker Escapes Captivity After 12 Years, Denied Old Job
After nearly 12 years in captivity, Al Roker is back in the spotlight and wants his job back. The original 320-pound Al Roker states he was kidnapped in 2002 and held captive in a New York basement while a skinny impostor took over his career and skyrocketed to fame.
“In 2002, I was heading to a weight loss clinic when a group men in a van pulled up and grabbed me,” stated the real Al Roker. “Inside was a skinny looking version of me and two men. Skinny Al said nothing and immediately left the van. I was blindfolded and taken to a dirty basement and held captive ever since.”
When asked how NBC producers didn’t notice the 100-lbs of weight loss in a single day, producers responded, “Look, it was an amazing weight loss and a great story. Did skinny Al look different than chubby Al? Yes. Were we going to let something that seemed unbelievable get in the way of ratings? Absolutely not.”
Today there is some major controversy at the Today Show. “Look, we regret what happened to Al since 2002.” Stated one of the NBC producers. “But today is 2013 and the skinny Al is just better at his job. We want the most qualified candidate for the job.”
“I’m not bitter,” stated the real Al Roker. “After 12 years of captivity I finally lost that 50 pounds I’ve always wanted to and Subway has asked me to replace Jared as their official spokesman.”